I'm finally going back to work again, goodbye to my patient days . . .

All the students will go back to school tomorrow. I was always scared of the start of school, even though I was the teacher's pet. I feel like I'm waiting for the start of school now, waiting to be processed.

Maybe it's some kind of nightmare I was born with. No matter how free you look at work or school, a big cage is still a cage - but maybe we'd be even more scared without the walls - would we have the wisdom to deal with freedom?

I hate the moment when you walk through the school gate or the office door, thinking about it's made me nervous for 20 minutes every hour today. Ha, am I wise?

Time for bed. I feel calmer when I think about all those cute people waiting for me in my books . . .

我终于�去上�了，告别�病人的日�…

明天是所有学生开学的日å­?，我自å°?就有对开学的æ??惧，å?³ä½¿æ˜¯è€?师的宠儿。我现在的心情犹如等待开学的心情，等待进入æŸ?ç§?程åº?的心情。

这也许是æŸ?ç§?与生俱æ?¥çš„梦魇å?§ï¼Œå°½ç®¡æˆ‘看起æ?¥æ— è®ºæ˜¯åœ¨å?•ä½?还是在学校里看起æ?¥æœ€è‡ªç”±çš„，笼å­?å†?大也还是笼å­?，å?¯æ˜¯å¦‚果没有边界，我å?ˆæ˜¯å?¦ä¼šæ??慌，我是å?¦çœŸæœ‰æ™ºæ…§æ¬£ç„¶æŽ¥å?—放é€?？

我就是ä¸?喜欢è¸?进校门或办公室的那一刻，仅仅这一刻，就会使我今天有一å°?时二å??分钟的ä¸?安，这就是我的智慧？

��了，想到有�爱的书里的人物伴我，总算�然了

Filed under: Holiday of Thoughts
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Just listened to the rain, sounds very gentle and a little different than usual, but disappeared soon.

I don't have that gift for describing accurately how I feel or anything abstract, but someone has, such as Luo Zheng. For some artists ,it’s unendurable to be ignored in public for a long time, but not for Luo Zheng. I believe he just focuses on his creation, not that easy for us though…

Perhaps his learning difficulties (not sure of exactly how to say in English, in Chinese we say 低能儿) was the most important reason to make him be a real artist (it is an attitude to be artist, not a title or job something) , because of PURITY (well, it could become another topic…). He never paints concrete object, or we can say in his eyes that everything concrete can be concentrated as the most abstract and fundamental feelings.

As for me,it’s not that difficult to sense, but it’s difficult to materialize how you feel, how to change it into a total different language in different space on your canvas or in your article. It’s the problem for many painter or writer, I think. Yes, LANGUAGE, another topic…

Luo Zheng’s work is different from other abstract painters. At least, I don’t think he has the idea of point, line, plane or can get whatever the hell “inner necessary principle� is. Many people were very excited about his works. I prefer the stories about him to his work, such as he used to go out naked after seeing Michelangelo’s work.

Since I began with rain, why I don’t end with the same thing. This painting of mine is named “before the rain�, oil on wood, an unfinished work, or finished accident?

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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Been sick since Monday, and I think it will last to next week. As far as I can remember, I haven’t fallen ill for such a long time, apart from stomach trouble caused by altitude in Dali last year. I can’t talk too much and my face looks like a boxer who has been beaten ruthlessly by his rival. By the way, don’t believe this boxer is a coward when you see the tears in his eyes, it’s just because he got a cold , the tears and snot are just the symptoms of the cold.

I always think it’s not bad thing to be ill, even if I’m a patient now and sometimes weep at the pain when the white blood cells fighting the virus in my lymph nodes. There was a popular book in the Qing Dynasty, made up of something that is similar with admonition, but shorter and some of them sound beautiful. One of my favorite sentences is 人在病中，尘心自�（your dusty heart will disappear naturally when you’re in the illness）.I like nothing in the mind, whatever it’s happy or sad or upset. Just be quiet…

It’s my self-portrait I drew just now, It’s realism but not expressionism. Oh, forgot to tell you, I’ve got used to making myself prettier in the drawing.

Gotta go back to bed.

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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I got ill today,because been busy last week and was poisoned (or ate too much) at weekend,anyway,not felt good. Neither did my pear, she got dark circles around her eyes,she felt worse... Look at her

Filed under: Holiday of Thoughts
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I'll just show you the steps(1-5) of my paintings for now - I think starting to work in an office has taught me how to be lazy. The post is not finished yet - I'll let you know what kind of materials I'm using and how I feel about the work . . .

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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就在上星期四,回家的路上还在想--今年我怎么什么味�都没闻到?�天�了�?两秒钟�,�想起�天都快过去了...是我的嗅觉���了？还是我�到已开始忽略什么？当四季��分明的时候，我�能归咎于我的麻木。

好在第二天一起床，便嗅到了秋天的味�，过去��闻起，便��惆怅，因为�开学了，书��返到下一页了，尽管这页的内容你�是�连。所有的故事都�一页一页的翻过，急�得，也拖�得。

我过去常想，我现在的春�秋冬也许早已没有了生命，就��季永远留在了�时候那跳皮筋，�蜻蜓的日�，秋季也留在了二外的校园里，留在了两点一线的路上，冬季和春季也�在了，全留在了�以放鞭炮，也�以摘迎春花，唱“红五月�的风景里。四季�转至今，残存的�是些微的皮屑和�然�以嗅到的香甜。张爱玲笔下的“三年五载，就是一生一世了�，也�仅仅是爱情�

这也许å?ªæ˜¯æŸ?些人都会有的情结å?§ï¼Œå??æ­£ä¸?是“为赋新è¯?强说æ„?â€?，我倒å®?愿是，幸好并没到“å?´é?“天凉好个秋â€?的时候...

P.S.我的照片傻得�爱�,我喜欢那个�下巴

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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“Books are the steps on which we advance� was often quoted by my teacher. I’ve never thought about advancing or keeping up with the times, and I don’t want to read just to learn. I just read for fun, and I’m happy that even with this principle, I don’t choose rubbish – perhaps I should be proud of my natural taste . . .

I’ve been reading Murakami Haruki lately, perhaps the only living writer I like. Some people have accused me of being petty bourgeoisie because of this. I very rarely read anything popular at the time (this have changed now, so perhaps I’m becoming corrupt?), mainly because I don’t like it but also because I’m a bit slow. I almost missed out on Murakami Haruki. I got a pirate copy of his ‘Norwegian Wood’ from a classmate when we were bored in the studio at school. As soon as I started reading it I could smell the forests (I always seem to pay a lot of attention to smell and temperature, and sometimes I comment on art just for this reason), and ever since then his books have been by my pillow, for 5 or 6 years.

There seems to only ever be one character in his books, solitary, pale, desultory, wise (or at least I think so), always an unconcerned observer, even of themselves. I don’t know if a person can reach this level of calmness, but I hope people can find calmness in the music or beer they like, like the people who flow from his pen.

One day I thought about the books I keep by my bed, and it was only then I realized that all the writers I like have something in common. For example, Wang Xiaobo (who showed me what black humour was ), Cao Xueqin, they always have a kind of eternal solitude and YYY. I don’t know if I’m gathering these two things, but I believe my own intuition and I feel more and more that this is important, if you can catch it.

You can only write good books with a quiet heart, and a world that makes your heart quiet will only have yourself in it. Perhaps all the writers I like are like this, so when I read I am never lonely. The author is always beside me.

P.S .The paintings in the photos (all mine, unless stated otherwise) have been called as Japanese Painting, but actually they made by very traditional Chinese materials. They are here because 'Norwegian Wood's' Japanese edition had red and green colours on the cover. Red and green represent the two female protagonists, death and life.

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions
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一个�时�和�雪�说了byebye。

今天很累，直到å??点æ‰?忙完公事，然å?Žéª‘车去看了å°?雪ç?ƒï¼Œä½?的地方如想象般一片狼藉，就åƒ?国民党撤退一样。天气很闷热，å†?加上晚饭的红酒，并且总挂念ç?€è¦?æ?¥çœ‹å¥¹ï¼Œé‚£ç§?紧张感使身体多少有点ä¸?舒æœ?。

临行å‰?其实å??ä¸?知说什么，ä¸?愿说些“ä¿?é‡?â€?之类的废è¯?，这些我们都心知肚明，说出æ?¥å?ªæ˜¾å¾—生分。å?ªæ˜¯å¸Œæœ›å¥¹åˆ«åˆ°äº†ä½?的地方就跟è§?了帅哥似的往å‰?冲，别忘了还有护照è?½åœ¨è½¦ä¸Šã€‚唉，其实也全是些废è¯?，她出门我很放心。

我说我�会那么想你，你这个�王八蛋�使临走�谈得也�是他，她苦笑。

我骑上车准备回家了，她开始���一个笑�那样低�头笑个��，我知�这是她的习性，她�知所措的时候往往就是笑，所以这笑让我难�，现在想起�都难�。亲一下，眼泪还是留了下�，我开始蹬上车走了，她在��喊“���，“byebye�,然�她说���“斯佳丽!!!�，我明白。

我很怕明天走进办公室看到现在相处的人和事，想到你的离开，觉得我似乎终于远离了学生时代。今天办公室里还有人说我�个�孩，是，我就是�想长大，�熟�是�月增长的�绩，它�是让你活得更好的��素质，如果�熟�是为了显示什么，或是��什么让你更难�而少了自在，我他妈�这破玩�儿干嘛？

你还在收拾行��？今天我陪你熬夜，过去总是你陪我，别�急，慢慢�，明天的这个时候你就�以在旅馆里好好�上一觉了:)

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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My best friend will leave for London for her Master’s degree. I was in tears at the moment when I sensed the time has come to say goodbye. So was she, I think. “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get...�As an adult knows, you get a delicious chocolate if you meet a friend who would love to shares with your happiness, your fear, your gift, your complaint, even your vulgarity…

People always say the friendship that you make at school often last for life. Sometimes I wonder if every relationship is based on fate, even if you ever made a lot of effort on it but didn’t get anything. So I’m not sure that a friendship is something that you can just ‘work at’.It’s my luck to get a few good friends(who can share your happiness, which isn’t easy, and who can cry in front of you) as I’m not that easy to get on with.

They say friendship is fate, but if you think about it it’s more what you have in common, like what kind of book you like. First, I don’t like too mainstream people, without any edginess to them. I don’t think that’s real, at the very least they’re hiding something. I don’t like people without anything in their heads, that’s boring. If I see friends like that often, we always drift apart. Some people don’t’ seem to be either of the above, but you feel even their heart is wearing make-up – they might be charming, but are they any use? There’s no sense of safety, maybe even nothing at all.

Sometimes I feel like an old woman, chattering on here. Maybe it's my age. As I get older I realize how important friendship is becoming. When the things you once fought for disappear you realize that friendship is actually a bit more real. I've lost good friends in the past by being too busy with foolish things, and I regret that(a little). But even more, it reminds me not to make myself regret again.

I hope the weather in London is good.

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions
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One of the good things about going to an art college is that every year you can 'caifeng' (go to the beautiful places to research folk art, though the real reason is just to go for a holiday) and you get lots of special treatment. I remember when we were at Dunhuang, the cave we visited was off-limits and t the spotlights were turned on so we could see clearly (strong lights are bad for frescoes though), and we were even allowed to take photos (we didn’t do that, because flash isn’t good for frescoes either)

The following sketches were drawn by me in a village called �底下�(chuan di xia cun) . Most of the houses were made in Ming Qing dynasty and preserved well. Many TV series and films were shot there and village head was very humorous.The most famous food there is the whole roast sheep, :I don't think you would have enjoyed it after seeing the lovely sheep have it's head cut off.

I put them here, because the post about Wu Guanzhong I made days ago. I saw his sketch of a house in a album and I thought mine are as good as his, particularly the first one, welcome comment.

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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