I’m not sure if I’m weird. Sometimes I can’t help laughing at some little things, even though they’re not that funny. It doesn’t happen to me often, but it did today (So I’m very tired because of laughing a lot ). I’m too busy? So it’s the way to lighten the pressure? Oh, come on, actually, I hate to use “busy�, I would rather be described “lazy�.

I’ve thought write about some fights happened in the office this afternoon, but I gave up just now. I won’t get used to the life that work is a big part of it, although it spends most of time in my life now. One of my favorite book is the essays about the leisurely life, I like to read something like “Doing nothing� �Wisdom of Laziness� “Why man like to make himself remain unconscious�, anyway, good excuses or reasons I need (So weak?!). That’s why I’m not going to talk about the work stuff, because it said women look older than men because they’re not as lazy as man, in other words, less work, Thinking about work is a part of work, I don’t want to look older than the man in my age, simple.

The day after tomorrow is National Day, so we’ll have a week holiday. A guy asked me what I’m gonna do during it, I said I will be as lazy I can. Bliss!!

Filed under: Holiday of Thoughts
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å·²ç»?快凌晨了,还是ä¸?愿去ç?¡,有ç§?å?¯ä»¥ä»»æ„?支é…?时间的自在,也有ç§?担心堕入梦乡的惶æ??…ä¸?愿梦里å†?å……æ–¥ç?€ç™½å¤©çš„记忆，如这些天æ?¥çš„情形般…

今天的ä¸?快和眼泪更多是几个月æ?¥çš„积è?šï¼Œç›¸å¯¹äºŽæ¯?个第一次上ç?­çš„人æ?¥è®²ï¼Œè¿™ç»?验ä¸?算新鲜，无é?žæ˜¯è¢«è¯¯ä¼šä¸Žè´£éª‚，诸如“你天天的在忙些什么？ï¼?（—狗å±?ï¼?）â€? “别æ?žå¾—åƒ?个艺术家似的，å?Šå„¿éƒŽå½“地（—放å±?ç‹—ï¼?）â€?。现在想æ?¥ä¹Ÿä¸?错，我å?¯ä»¥åœ¨å‡ ä¸ªæœˆçš„时间内学习展览的è¿?作，å?Œæ—¶å?ˆä½“å°?第一次的工作ç»?验，这ç§?浓缩咖啡，更苦，å?´ä¹Ÿæ›´æ??神。

�过还是难以忘记走出办公室时的那份暗淡心情，回家的路上�过最好朋�曾��过的地方，想到如果她在北京，肯定会�看我，然�我们一起去熟悉的饭馆�饭，�完了去压马路，就这么走�，�尔我说“―――�，然�这时得到的回答永远是“好��，因为从�在对方�开心的时候说“��。�是她走了，所以我哭了。

也许我总是幸�的，一个朋�知�我�开心，就整晚陪�我，还把他的��手表借给我，也许他�是想让我开心，但他�会明白这�手表带给我的勇敢与�然…(他还给我一首诗，登在下�)

删除或洗淡这�快的记忆，除�这记忆的�留是为了鞭策。�天��开始上�了，心若是定的，那便是一切了，学习，进步，陈�滥调的��，有用就行了

大家早上好，天气�错就晒晒被��，上�有太阳的味�

It's almost dawn, but I don't want to sleep. I've got the freedom of my own time, and a fear of dreams ... I don't want to remember the daytime, these last few days.

Today's sadness and tears are really the last few months worth. Nothing new to anyone who works, just misunderstandings and scoldings. 'So what have you done today'? (bullshit) 'Don't be like an artist, all careless' (more bullshit). Thinking about it, it's great really. In these months I can learn how an exhibition runs, and get some work experience. Like espresso, the more bitter, the more it wakes you up.

But it's hard to forget the gloom when I leave the office. My road home takes me past a place my best friend used to live, and I know that if she was in Beijing she'd come to see me, we'd go to a favourite restaurant, then for a walk and if I said '...' she'd say 'OK', because we never say 'no' when the other's unhappy. But she's gone, so I cried.

I'm still lucky though. A friend knew I was unhappy, and kept me company all evening, and even lent me his precious watch. Perhaps he just wanted to make me happy, but he doesn't understand the courage and calm it brings (he also sent me a poem, below).

Getting rid of unhappy memories only happens when they've encouraged you to move on. I'll work again the day after tomorrow, and if I can keep my heart fixed '定 in Buddhism', then that will be everything. Study. Advance. Cliched slogans, but as long as they work . . .

Good morning everyone. If the weather's good air your blankets and quilts, get the smell of the sun into them . . .

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, And remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing future of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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Today was a difficult day, so difficult that I still can't get rid of the tiredness of work. I preferred it before when I could forget about it all as soon as I left the office.

The office was full of anger and blame today, the boss as foolish as ever - we're meant to believe it's all of us that have problems? I don't think a good boss should make his office full of the smell of gunpowder. But never mind, if I let the anger stay, that's just my own foolishness.

I saw James Spader while I watched the Emmy Awards last night .Of the the films I've seen, his "Sex, Lies and Videotape" is one of my favourites and a surprise since i hadn't had high expectations before saw it. There's a clarity, wisdom and solemnity about some people, even if they are getting older and fatter . . .

How can I let work take this much of my spirit? Who can take this daily burying?Why James Spader is so charming?

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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I got my new computer, so have to be busy arranging the materials. It’s chance to retrieve the memory, such as letters, diary, my favorite novels (I hope Andy is down there. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope…) and something I painted.

I painted them when I was applying for graduate school, but I gave up in the last few days, because I was too poor at politics. I think the politics must have got into my stomach, as every time I studied it I had to run to the bathroom and vomit.

By the way, I can’t find the original version. Yes, this is me. I don't care too much about the things I've painted, I always just put them aside, and maybe even throw them out if I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes I think this is unprofessional, but then sometimes I think this means I'm a true artist, a natural born artist . . .

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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I saw a documentary about the eight-minute performance for the Athens Olympic closing ceremony directed by Zhang Yimou. It’s very interesting, especially when he said: "They give me eight minutes and I will give the world a surprise". I’m not sure if he did it in front of the world, at least in most Chinese people's eyes, he didn’t.

Perhaps Chinese are bored with such a show of so-called Chinese culture. It was just a few cobbled together symbols, and even if they do have their own deep meaning, they didn't get the expression they should have. Actually, I prefer the interpretation of Chinese culture in the film Last Emperor, particularly the music, by Japanese composer Ryuichi Sakamoto, which is solemn without losing grace.

What exactly is Chinese culture? This subject is too complicated for me. I just feel that sometimes Japanese art can reflect the spirit of Chinese culture more, so can I just sum it up as a simple branch of Chinese culture? A person talked to me about Clash Of Civilization days ago, seems one write distinguished between Chinese civilization(中�文明) and China’s civilization (中国文明） (Don’t ask me those questions such as civilization is dead or culture is alive).He demarcated them at the Tang Dynasty. As for Japanese civilization, it inherited and developed Chinese civilization.

What I’m trying to say? Ok, here it is: it’s annoying to be asked what the media I use in my painting now, because people get confused about Mineral Pigment. Nowadays, some or most people would like to call it as “Japanese painting�, but it’s really Chinese traditional painting (sorry, perhaps it's my inertia that makes me rely on ancient history, but don't forget all women need to feel safe). If you don’t believe it, just check out the Dunhuang frescos which used the same media. By the way, I find the more ancient materials you use, more modern elements you can mix into the works, such as Tempera.

A while ago a commenter asked me what materials I use to paint, and this has been the longest answer. Look at the picture I took in a friend’s studio and that is what I use, my room is not that large though, so I can't have so many glass bottles to have them.

And,the hands in the second picture are not mine,mine are more beautiful:P.

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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I got a short message about a job from my sister 2 mins ago. It’s an editing job with good pay I think. Anyway, thanks for her concern. But my reply is “why don’t you encourage me to sell my works (she knows that’s what I really wanna do ), even if it does take me 3 months without salary, so what? �

Maybe she knows me well or not. Yes, as an moody freelancer, it’s not easy to be really independent, that’s why my friends are worried about me sometimes. I’m not sure if I’m stubborn or stupid or juvenile, but my first “formal +regular+ decent� job made me sure that I don’t want to waste time on doing something I don’t like ( even hate it occasionally, apart from when I looks at paintings in the gallery or talked about artworks with the artist or client, seems I can find who I am at that time).

My good friends often ask me if I realize I live in the real world and it’s not easy to sell paintings in China (Who told them?!) instead of “Try!�(Only one friend, yes, I appreciate her much for that…). I understand some views, but not all.

Now I'm tired after a day's work, and I don’t know exactly what I said above, might be rubbish again. There’s a famous idiom in China: “Lookers-on see more than players当局者迷,�观者清�. I think it really is impossible for people to see themselves. You need someone else’s eyes now and then, so, I welcome comments and thank you in advance!

P.S.The painting is another Chinese traditional painting I made on silk, 工笔�彩,he looks like an unhappy old guy,this is real life?

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions
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Marcello reminded me another interesting topic about Chinese seals. It’s an very important element in Chinese traditional painting. There’s no doubt that seal’s position effects the quality of painting directly as the frame does (unluckily I’m very bad at choosing the frame, when I show my work , the first response I get is usually “oh, your frame sucks!�.),that’s why I’m often a little nervous and excited at the moment I seal.

I don’t like to sign my work by brush, don’t know why, maybe just because I’m lazy or think it’s a little stupid to care about your own signature in handwriting as trade mark. I think it’s not a big deal and on the other hand, you have many choices to pick up an appropriate Chinese seals as your signature. Yes, there’re many choices in private seals

As for the seals on my painting, the above one is �二(bu2 er4→no two?)，it’s from Buddhism doctrine. According to the books about Buddhism, there’re eighty-four thousand ways(fa3 men2法门) to achieve yourself, the first one is �二. I used to enjoy reading so many books on Buddhism especially when I was in college, but this seal had nothing to with the painting itself, just because sometimes I like to connect something for no reason…? The bottom one is certainly my name Song Li宋立(read it from right to left, it’s tradition), and the next one is new I made two months ago.

By the way, it’s very professional to make a good Chinese seals, it’s another kind of Chinese art called 篆刻(zhuan4ke4,there’s a picture of Chinese seals shop in my post “door�). So few people can tell the different between the good one and bad one, that’s why I don’t pay much on making it.

Filed under: Sense of Seeing
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