Bored…When I’m bored, I search for blogs. Unfortunately, the type of most blogs I found was not my cup of tea, but I still "read", in other words, I was just staring at screen.

Wait, I didn’t get nothing the past two hours, at least, I found an argument here. I didn’t read many posts on that blog, simply because it was not that powerful to bring me patience. But I read this, which seems the most “popular� post, and first few comments…

DD Says: August 21st, 2005 at 3:41 am

@I do not understand: First of all, what a stupid name you have. Second of all, you’re welcome to go visit another blog if you don’t like this one. I encourage you to do so. Third, I’m not going to wait 20-50 years, thanks. Finally, where’d you get your funky English?

Wow, surprise! Reading on the web rarely, it’s my first time to find such a stupid guy who doesn't mind showing his stupidity and rudeness (I'm so confident now). I really admire his courage!

As for if there’re lots of complaints on that blog, it totally doesn’t matter. It’s not a matter of the bad sides of China at all and I guess most of what he said is true but not his personal feelings only. As a Chinese, any suggestions that can make my country better are welcome, whatever in an ironic way or “humorous� way. I just feel unbelievable the way he talked. Luckily, I’m not “I do not understand�, I do understand I’m welcome to stay away this DD, who is too intelligent to talk with.

Filed under: Holiday of Thoughts
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I couldn’t sleep because of hunger. Having failed to find food in fridge, I started reading a magazine. From the relationship between Mercedes (this woman would be my friend’s new idol if she knew this story) and Greta Garbo ( an absolutely born gorgeous) to another relationship between Sartre and Beauvoir (my sister used to think The Second Sex made a tremendous impact on her in college life, but I’m not sure if she still thinks so, I read a couple of pages of that book then gave up); from Ynis Gutrin to “love you then beat your ass�, yeah, all of them entertained me much until I read another article about various noodles in SuZhou which was so cruel to my empty stomach, then I left my bedroom, sitting in front the computer again.

A friend will leave Beijing later. I forgot to sms “take care� to him, so I say it here officially to show I’m not mean to him like he thought! Hey, bastard, enjoy your vacation! Both of us are not sure if we can meet in a month, so maybe next time we hang out is in the winter already, anyway, take care:)

I’m hungry, probably so hungry that my stomach feels kind of numb now, in Chinese it’s called “饿过缩儿了� .Night!

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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â… 

I was drinking with friends in a bar the other night, on a big, soft sofa, chatting and having fun in a happy atmosphere. Somehow, from nowhere, a feeling of nameless sorrow welled up and filled me. This feeling had come to me sometimes before and I recognized it when it arose again — a sense of being utterly alone that I suppose will never leave me. I found myself running out of the bar to call my best friend, as if I were swimming hard for the last piece of floating wreckage after being shipwrecked. As I heard her say “hello�, I burst into tears.

â…¡

I spent most of today sitting in bed, listening to the rainfall. It’s been raining since last night, everywhere wet, just as my face is wet with my tears. I would prefer to believe this is because women are made from water than admit how weak I am. Normally I quite enjoy this pleasant kind of loneliness that I feel under the gentle rain. But today, the drip and drizzle brought me into sadness. I wanted to sob in rhythm with the falling drops (though as a musical idiot even this I could not do). I wasn’t clear as to why I suddenly felt like this; perhaps because a couple of friends will leave me for a while; Snowball told me she would delay another year before coming back; Perhaps it's that I don’t know what I’m waiting for until everything becomes empty…“Ah, I can feel the autumn coming, wonderful!� said mom in a cheerful voice. But at that moment, I couldn’t hear her, I was hoping that time would stand still and that autumn would never come…

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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I probably put myself into isolation, being surrounded by overwhelmingly negative reviews of Seven Swords . It is a new Wuxia film that doesn't seem as good as many viewers expected. Yet, I still think it’s a good movie after CTHD, Hero, House of Flying Daggers disappointed me with their empty Shakespearian tone, implausible nationalism, and ridiculous plots that confused me…to me, they're just false Wuxia films.

Then naturally, another question comes up. What is a true Wuxia film? Did I imply that false means piss-poor compared to the true ones? True or false, can it be a reason to make a sound judgment? I doubt it.

I happened to watch a talk show on the market for luxury goods in China, which seems to keep growing (of course, the market for fake luxury goods keeps up with it). The program discussed how the market formed and the psychology of shopping for luxury stuff, such as LV, Chanel and something else I forgot. So far it’s still hard for me to figure out why many people are crazy about LV, for taste for identity or for technique itself? If only for the latter, would they like to accept the false LV if with exquisite craftsmanship? My friend is a shopholic, one proof is he would not be bothered by buying things for his friends when he goes abroad. On the contrary, he looks at it as the happiest thing in the world—go shopping but using others’ money (I sort of admire his attitude to devoting himself to a thing)! He found a place in Beijing where sold fake LV with flawless technique (made in Korea though, my fellow people, can you guys work harder?). “That is genuine, no doubt� he said, as the highest compliment to fake-makers.

“That is genuine�. I appreciate his words very much. If he were a viewer in a gallery, he would not be some kind of person who focuses on all kinds of descriptions other than enjoying the painting itself. They seem to concentrate on who was the sponsor, any suits about the artwork, how many collectors own it or the background of the collector. What they do is trying to believe the artwork is the real piece but don’t realize it’s not their business as audience. Apparently, their philosophy is more like “It is beautiful because it is real�. Maybe while they stand in front of a real masterpiece, what around them is “false� religious atmosphere…

Writing this post, a poem popped into my head.“When false is taken for true, true becomes false; If non-being turns into being, being becomes non-being(�作真时真亦�,无为有处有还无)�. I love that, and, I don't doubt it.

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions
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I’m pissed off with “forget it�! I don't like to hear that, nor do I like to say that. I would rather do as an old saying “silence is golden� than “forget it�!

The picture is my current mood, you can forget it, but later!

Filed under: Holiday of Thoughts
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å§?å§?问我“ä¸?å?Šå®?玉â€?å?‘过没有，她现在æ¯?周负责报纸的二å??四个版é?¢ï¼Œæ‰€ä»¥å?¶å°”会用我写过画过的有é™?的东西充版，我觉得我也在这里充充版å?§:P

“红楼梦�一直是我��读的书，一字一字读，痴想读尽�一个心�，�一个表情，那是一个永远的花园，一群永远的朋�。

这是一篇关于Picasso的旧文章，现在看�，贾�玉�Picasso相比，“�淫�较多，�说林黛玉�心眼儿？�如果现代女人�现自己的男朋�爱�女孩�嘴上的�红，早就翻天覆地了…

“����玉

我一度曾觉毕加索似�玉，花事�开��，且都存个“�芳�。但现下想��过是浅�，因�到毕加索晚年时的一张照片以��时期的一张自画�，图片虽�止，�迫人耳目，晚年的�玉决��能有此愤世之相。

但我ä¾?旧相信毕加索出生时正邪之气的相é?‡ï¼Œå?¦åˆ™ä¹Ÿçœ‹ä¸?到å?Œå®?玉一般的自出机æ?¼ï¼Œâ€œé‚£ç®¡ä¸–人诽谤â€?的惊世骇俗，å?ªæ˜¯å?Žè€…的“情â€?臻入化境。毕加索åƒ?å?¤ä¹¦ä¸Šæ‰€è¯´çš„“情因年少â€?，这少年å?šå¾—久了点，光彩也由此而æ?¥ï¼›ä¹Ÿä»¤æˆ‘因此觉得毕加索åƒ?张爱玲笔下的振ä¿?，å?šäººå?šå¾—很起劲，å?¦ä¸€ç§?起劲，故仅以“画家â€?的身份出现于世人é?¢å‰?未å…?委屈。尽管我所喜爱的他为他的情人们的æ??绘令我觉得岂是“妙â€?字了得，å?³ä½¿æˆ‘ä¸?太喜欢立体主义，觉得混乱。

毕加索喜欢斗牛世人皆知，这把剑也因此�在�少女人的心里。毕加索�全了女人的�爱，也�全了她们的悲哀，更多是因他的悲哀。而�玉�给了黛玉的�爱��敬，黛玉�使活�，也��了�奥尔加一样的“死鱼眼�。

还有一点颇似�玉，我认为是“�露真相�。毕加索70�时接��大利艺术�家帕比尼访问时�率地承认他晚年的作�是一堆乱七八糟的东西，自己�过是个“哗众�宠的人罢了，是���时代人士的低能�虚�和贪婪而获�最大的利益。�他说：“他们越�懂就越仰慕我……我一个人的时候从�敢以艺术家自居。�这个玩笑开得谑近于�，披�皇�的新衣，但躲�开背�的无奈,情何以堪，此心与�玉如出一辙。

è¯?说到这里，也许我幼稚的将毕加索与贾å®?玉相比有失æ?°å½“，但因喜欢他们，心自å??颇，ä¸?由自主。我想起有人曾考æ?®å®?玉的原型为纳兰性德，他有阙è¯?：“ä¸?å?ŠèŠ™è“‰ï¼Œä¸€ç‰‡å¹½æƒ…冷处浓â€?，å?–“ä¸?å?Šâ€?二字，认为毕加索ä¸?å?Šå®?玉，什么“家â€?都罢，终是看性情的，此处乱抒己è§?，ä¸?觉有ç§?当åˆ?的“浅è§?â€?å?‘“浊è§?â€?过渡的惶æ??。

Filed under: Marginalia of Days, Bunch of Contradictions
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Compared to Beijing, Dalian has cleaner streets, prettier girls, more squares, less bikes, and different rhythmed cicada sound. Don’t forget the seafood and wine, which I had everyday. I went shopping with a full stomach and bought wrong size trousers and skirts.

As a tourist or weirdo, I guess I got more greetings from local people. “Did you take sea shower today?� “What’s wrong with your knee?� “Are you allergic to ultraviolet radiation?� My favorite one was “Were you attacked by jellyfish?! Put some alum on your skin�. No, I would like to have a fight with it though. They asked me that after seeing my sunburnt body, exactly to say, my left side of body, that’s why it looked rather funny. I didn’t do anything special, I just spent 20mins enjoying the sea breeze on the boat, 20 minutes! My shoulder especially hurt so my motto in Dalian was “Don’t pat my shoulder!�, poor me, Liu Hui got used to showing off her model height by doing that. She seemed to have a good laugh at my sunburnt skin, as she said, she never saw anyone like that after such a short while of sunshine.

In China nowadays, it’s very popular to make fun of heroes and dirty jokes of central leaders. Liu Hulan is one of them. She was killed by the army of Kuomintang (National People's Party) when she was 15. The new version about her sacrifice is—“Who is the member of the Communist Party? Step forward! � Said Kuomintang, then all the villagers stepped backward quickly, pathetic Liu Hulan reacted slowly so stood still…I met an awful hairdresser in Dalian. He made me look like this Chinese famous heroine. Liu Hui asked me why I didn’t change another hairdresser as I sensed he was not skillful, “I don’t want him to be embarrassed, besides, I respect people who can speak two languages, he is the Korean nationality from Heilongjiang�. Korean stuff was a hit in Dalian, Korean hairdresser, Korean shopping street…

I lived with Liu Hui and her parents. Their hospitality and the typical happy family atmosphere in their house made me moved, partly because looking at Liu Hui’s parents, watching them busy in the kitchen, making jokes while having meal, concentrating on the TV series, I couldn’t help missing my parents who did the same things at home. I was quite happy as I got off the train, although back to home means back to routine, but my skin is peeling now, so I have a new game!

Pic 1: sunburn

Pic 2: sea bathing

Pic 3: close-up

Pic 4: my tourist style picture, looks like a school leaver in Cultural Revolution though

Filed under: Marginalia of Days
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