我的“自恋”路人皆知，“自恋”到连遮掩都懒得。解闷儿时要么照照镜子，要么便去google一下自己，看看又有哪家知名艺术媒体抄袭了我的“美文”，小门户的网站若是抄了，还经常让我觉得面子上挂不住。其实我对所有转载我文章的人都心生疑虑，因为我的工作性质是把所有的狗屁艺术都要吹得天上有地上无，这实在有悖于“批评”的性质。

若是大牌，才不吝自己的东西有多少人用，才不会在乎那点小名，就像只有小明星才动不动澄清丑闻。我尽量识着大体，端着架子，可骨子里还是在乎自己的署名的。一次因为什么事想发脾气，便迁怒到一个博客头上，留言问他懂不懂规矩，不知道任何转载都要注明出处的吗？没想到人家在回复中连连道歉，倒是我觉得太把自己当根儿葱了，气儿立马泄了。

倒有些不打不相识的味道。从此我开始看他的博客，没想到今天发现了他转载的一篇好文章，作者段炼。我是不喜欢看艺术批评的，觉得艺术是关乎感觉的，不懂艺术的看了文章只有更糊涂。不过段炼的文章写得有趣，也许他在首段便一语中的：

“按照艺术理论界和史学界的一般定义，当代艺术产生于最近二十五年，并以当代话题为主旨。可是这样的定义有嫌宽泛，几乎今日的任何作品都可以称为当代艺术。有鉴于此，本文聚焦于一个具体方面，采用正话反说的修辞法，来质疑今日流行的时髦艺术，并用性与政治的媾合，来界定时髦艺术，说明时髦艺术并非当代艺术。之所以如此，是因为今日大红大紫的时髦艺术，往往披上当代艺术的外衣，以观念艺术为旗号，既在艺术圈内呼风唤雨，也在艺术圈外招摇撞骗，实则涂污了中国的当代艺术。”

即使不从私利考虑(同行是冤家，我是厌恶嫉妒那些垃圾能换来银子的“家”们的)，我也觉得他言之在理，他所说的当代艺术现象也是我和朋友们所不齿的。从我狭隘的爱国主义出发，我是不希望外国人认为中国当代艺术就这点儿起子，就像我憎恨许多人认为北京文化就是胡同文化一样，你的无知是次要的，我的脸面虚荣可紧要得很哪。

那个博客的最新文章又是我的文章，第一次，我希望他拿下来，因为和段炼的文章、至少和我看到的段炼的文章相比，我觉得自己被人寒碜了…

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions
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You know, I have to show something in the painting, although nowadays I'm not sure what the definition of painting is when things are blurry more and more and called it as “complication. Since the color of the one I am working on is just B&W, then I chose the texture as the main part (SURELY besides some basic elements, like composition, space etc) which is one of the language of painting, which is not fresh anymore but still many people's favorite, which I was against and thought it’s just small trick.

Currently I haven't found anything strong to contradict what I said. I will work on looking for a sound theoretical base to support me later, it’s not about confidence, it’s just a game – I like to watch people to argue, it’s inside this time though.

But I have been tortured by making texture!!! Like Pollock denied the “accident�?, yes, for showing something looks accidental and natural, I have to do something very anti-nature.

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions, Sense of Seeing
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Big World, the video installation is made by Lu(why it’s not Lv?) Shengzhong and Yu Fei. I love that moment when I pushed door, which I even didn’t notice its existence at first.

Sponge Pool

My sister asked me to take my nephew to 798 art district. LUCKILY, he had fun there. I have to admit many art works there are dull!

His Music

I guess actually he was quite happy when I told him I couldn’t go watch his band show, since he wouldn’t love to hear something like “what the hell are you playing�?, since sometimes he can’t tell if I’m kidding or not:P. But, I really wanted to see him play bass, he's cool only when he's on the stage (kidding!)

Cui Jian said there’re many good new bands in Beijing in an interview I watched the other day. I hope his band is one of them:)

Enjoy haijiao’s Dark Blue

Hi There

I felt an impulse to take a passenger's wallet from his pocket when I was in a bus. I remembered a mountain climber was asked why he was crazy for climbing the mountains, for conquering? He just said because the mountain was there. So what if a thief’s motive to steal is just because "it" was "there".

Man&Woman

Or male and female, whatever. It’s an eternal subject, isn't it? I took some pictures in Beijing Botanical Garden. Two of them are quite interesting. One is giant seed & male inflorescence, and another one is extatsome popoi & phyllum giganteum (in fact, they has nothing to do with each other, I put them together because what they're like a couple…).

It might be cool if move them to a gallery. I once saw a ceramic work, which looks like a big ass and with flowers on it, why didn't that artist just copy the shape of giant seed directly? It would be better...

Because no Title

The gray blue part—tag line disappeared when I worked on this . My friend told me “because no title�?. Perhaps this is exactly the new blog about: no title… just some random stuff is written by my Sister (Shuai Lian, an editor, her posts are just her articles for the paper) and me (stupider crap) and Snowball maybe join in, anyway, it’s from friendS.

Most posts are written in Chinese. The first one is about the six towns in southern China.

Filed under: Marginalia of Days, Bunch of Contradictions
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I probably put myself into isolation, being surrounded by overwhelmingly negative reviews of Seven Swords . It is a new Wuxia film that doesn't seem as good as many viewers expected. Yet, I still think it’s a good movie after CTHD, Hero, House of Flying Daggers disappointed me with their empty Shakespearian tone, implausible nationalism, and ridiculous plots that confused me…to me, they're just false Wuxia films.

Then naturally, another question comes up. What is a true Wuxia film? Did I imply that false means piss-poor compared to the true ones? True or false, can it be a reason to make a sound judgment? I doubt it.

I happened to watch a talk show on the market for luxury goods in China, which seems to keep growing (of course, the market for fake luxury goods keeps up with it). The program discussed how the market formed and the psychology of shopping for luxury stuff, such as LV, Chanel and something else I forgot. So far it’s still hard for me to figure out why many people are crazy about LV, for taste for identity or for technique itself? If only for the latter, would they like to accept the false LV if with exquisite craftsmanship? My friend is a shopholic, one proof is he would not be bothered by buying things for his friends when he goes abroad. On the contrary, he looks at it as the happiest thing in the world—go shopping but using others’ money (I sort of admire his attitude to devoting himself to a thing)! He found a place in Beijing where sold fake LV with flawless technique (made in Korea though, my fellow people, can you guys work harder?). “That is genuine, no doubt�? he said, as the highest compliment to fake-makers.

“That is genuine�?. I appreciate his words very much. If he were a viewer in a gallery, he would not be some kind of person who focuses on all kinds of descriptions other than enjoying the painting itself. They seem to concentrate on who was the sponsor, any suits about the artwork, how many collectors own it or the background of the collector. What they do is trying to believe the artwork is the real piece but don’t realize it’s not their business as audience. Apparently, their philosophy is more like “It is beautiful because it is real�?. Maybe while they stand in front of a real masterpiece, what around them is “false�? religious atmosphere…

Writing this post, a poem popped into my head.“When false is taken for true, true becomes false; If non-being turns into being, being becomes non-being(�?�作真时真亦�?�,无为有处有还无)�?. I love that, and, I don't doubt it.

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�?�?问我“�?�?��?玉�?�?�过没有，她现在�?周负责报纸的二�??四个版�?�，所以�?�尔会用我写过画过的有�?的东西充版，我觉得我也在这里充充版�?�:P

“红楼梦�?一直是我�?�?�读的书，一字一字读，痴想读尽�?一个心�?，�?一个表情，那是一个永远的花园，一群永远的朋�?�。

这是一篇关于Picasso的旧文章，现在看�?�，贾�?玉�?�Picasso相比，“�?淫�?较多，�?说林黛玉�?心眼儿？�?如果现代女人�?�现自己的男朋�?�爱�?�女孩�?嘴上的�?�红，早就翻天覆地了…

“�?�?��?�?玉

我一度曾觉毕加索似�?玉，花事�?开�?�?�，且都存个“�?芳�?。但现下想�?��?过是浅�?，因�?到毕加索晚年时的一张照片以�?��?�时期的一张自画�?，图片虽�?�止，�?�迫人耳目，晚年的�?玉决�?�?�能有此愤世之相。

但我�?旧相信毕加索出生时正邪之气的相�?�，�?�则也看�?到�?��?玉一般的自出机�?�，“那管世人诽谤�?的惊世骇俗，�?�是�?�者的“情�?臻入化境。毕加索�?�?�书上所说的“情因年少�?，这少年�?�得久了点，光彩也由此而�?�；也令我因此觉得毕加索�?张爱玲笔下的振�?，�?�人�?�得很起劲，�?�一�?起劲，故仅以“画家�?的身份出现于世人�?��?未�?委屈。尽管我所喜爱的他为他的情人们的�??绘令我觉得岂是“妙�?字了得，�?�使我�?太喜欢立体主义，觉得混乱。

毕加索喜欢斗牛世人皆知，这把剑也因此�?�在�?少女人的心里。毕加索�?全了女人的�?�爱，也�?全了她们的悲哀，更多是因他的悲哀。而�?玉�?�给了黛玉的�?�爱�?�?�敬，黛玉�?�使活�?�，也�?�?了�?奥尔加一样的“死鱼眼�?。

还有一点颇似�?玉，我认为是“�?�露真相�?。毕加索70�?时接�?��?大利艺术�?�家帕比尼访问时�?�率地承认他晚年的作�?是一堆乱七八糟的东西，自己�?过是个“哗众�?�宠的人罢了，是�?��?��?�时代人士的低能�?虚�?�和贪婪而获�?�最大的利益。�?他说：“他们越�?懂就越仰慕我……我一个人的时候从�?敢以艺术家自居。�?这个玩笑开得谑近于�?，披�?�皇�?的新衣，但躲�?开背�?�的无奈,情何以堪，此心与�?玉如出一辙。

�?说到这里，也许我幼稚的将毕加索与贾�?玉相比有失�?�当，但因喜欢他们，心自�??颇，�?由自主。我想起有人曾考�?��?玉的原型为纳兰性德，他有阙�?：“�?�?�芙蓉，一片幽情冷处浓�?，�?�“�?�?��?二字，认为毕加索�?�?��?玉，什么“家�?都罢，终是看性情的，此处乱抒己�?，�?觉有�?当�?的“浅�?�?�?�“浊�?�?过渡的惶�??。

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I've become hooked on an NHK special feature, Treasures of the Palace Museum (故宫�?�至�?), which is about some truly beautiful pieces collected (or hidden) in the Forbidden City (in Beijing) and the National Palace Museum (in Taipei). With the calm narration under S.E.N.S 's appropriate background music, and especially during the close-up of exquisitely detailed craftworks, it's impossible for me to stay calm. This doesn't happen to me often, only twice as far as I can remember. Once I was moved by a few potteries of the Neolithic Age, in front of them, or in front of any work that touches me, I feel so small.

This program offers such a vivid art history (tooooo short though). The university entrance examination with Chinese characteristic seems to distort many things (Announcement: It's just complaint, not judgment.-no kidding). One of the results is that I lost interest in history, it's more like many papers full of chronological tables than what it should be, which is stories. And because of an aversion to history in the textbooks, I rarely went to craft history class (I cheated on the exam, so I was good at passing tissues at least). I don't regret it, the destination is nice, but if the road to it was totally bored and depressing, I would not get there. That's why I really appreciate that NHK made such a program, although the uploader said what a pity that was made by Japanese. The Japanese TV guys did a great job for the world, particularly for us Chinese, it's more important than so-called nationalism.

Speaking of nationalism, I can’t help thinking of “patriotism�?. Cai yuanpei advocated the idea of “replacing religion with aesthetic education�?. The way I see it, it would be more convincing if he said “replacing patriotism education with the aesthetic education�?. I figure patriotism education exists everywhere but apparently the Chinese government is good at making it look super superficial. Why not try some effective ways rather than documents or slogans, which, the more they call us love our country, the less Chinese seem to do it. Look, Craft is just a part of art and art is just a part of aesthetics, but it’s enough for me to say something like “My ancestors made such really fantastic works, I’m so proud of being their descendant—descendants of Yan and Huang!�?. I don’t mean to be the speaker of our government. Even if only for tickling my vanity, who doesn’t want to related to something excellent?

All the excellent works, so far as I saw in this feature, were made by anonymous artisans. Artisans are the people who actually change a country’s image in art, but they are usually of the low social position. Looking at the delicate pattern hammered on bronze or almost perfect shape of a jade vase, I wonder whether some people with biases dare say that way.

Palace Memories，选自“�?�?,故宫�?，片中�??�?出现的一段旋律。出于多年�?对喜多郎的热爱，S.E.N.S.也就很难错过了。

我喜欢法度森严的作�?，喜欢令我敬�?的作�?，太平盛世的东西虽旖旎�?�过于优美。在这个片�?看到的很多艺术�?唯有在暴政中产生，对于很难�?产生的作�?，我们也�?�能说“�?�?�?。

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions, Sense of Seeing
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I’ve been planning to change the look of my website for a year. The reason is simple—I just don’t like to use any finished designs, it’s kind of boring to me. Yes, content is the most important part of a website, I agree but it’s not enough for myself. For no reason, I’m sick of “blog�? this word, although as a matter of fact, soongli.com is a blog without doubt. As a result, more or less I’m trying to make my website look not THAT much like a blog, I admit it’s naïve…

As for sOOngli.com (if you still like to read here,don't be lost:), the domain name will be changing soon), I have to mention my other weirdness—the existence of hyphen, it seems not cool as a domain name. I was told “soong�? sounded like a Korean, I don’t know, I just followed Soong Sisters , I’m not good at history, I just like legend.

The new look maybe not adorable, it’s mine, that’s enough. Hope you like it or get used to it, thanks:)

P.S. If you do think something weird about design, tell me:)

Filed under: Bunch of Contradictions
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Once I talked with my friend about the beauty in disaster and quoted Lao She ’s novel Such a Whole Life of Mine —“I have to say something that should earn a slap, that fire looks really fucking beautiful ①�?, plus almost at the same time, another friend told me he was listening to the audio book of Lao She’s Lo-t'o Hsiang and the most famous Chinese stage play Teahouse will be performed in August by Beijing People's Art Theatre . And so, I picked up Lao She’s novels again.

Besides a good insight into the lives and philosophies of the common people of old Beijing, Lao She’s novels are also well known for using Beijing accent literarily. While I was reading, I wondered if the book would prefer to be heard rather than read, since new Beijing slang is replacing the old and to be honest, I can’t tell what slang only belong to Beijingers, as this city has become an immigrant one. I reckon some teenagers don’t even know how to pronounce them.

The Chinese government has been appealing for the protection of cultural property (when something needs an appeal for, it means it is already close to ruin), and I’m curious who is saving this audible property as it hovers at the edge of death. Most Chinese are familiar with an idiom“�?破�?立�?(there is no construction without destruction), the key is why and how…? Oh, yes, problems are plentiful in every corner if you look or think a bit deeper, also I’m not far-seeing enough to judge what should be at the top of the list, actually at most all I can do is to write some stuff here, tell my friends about my feeling, and buy a ticket to appreciate and applaud Teahouse. But I believe if the applause is loud enough, some people who are in charge of related projects would hear that. Although nobody can stop the language being changed as time goes by, everything does change, at least please reserve some materials like good quality audio books and dvds with clearer images than this …

As for MY Beijing accent, hmmm… the fact is when I went elsewhere in China, few could tell where I was from. I was not allowed to speak with a strong Beijing accent because my dad thought it sounded uneducated (京油�?/胡�?�串�?), I guess he used to get provoked by the infamous Beijing seller’s attitude. My friend told me that I didn’t realize I just spoke with a Beijing accent when I took a taxi, I figure it’s because I’m an idiot with direction so to avoid being cheated, I have to “tell�? them in my way that I am a local person (but still be cheated occasionally). Some people, particularly people from other provinces, don’t like the Beijing accent, that’s true, it sounds arrogant sometimes. I had a few fights with some rude Beijing bitches or assholes (I’m rude now, I know), their strong accent was one of the elements to annoy me… But to be fair, it’s not a matter of accent… don’t let stupid behavior make some kind of innocent language sounds stupid…

I won’t mention another author whose works are called new-beijing-accent novels, because I find more of the Beijing accent’s charms in Lao She’s works, including his plays. So, if you have time in September in Beijing, if your Chinese listening is not bad, hope you can try to watch this classic play Teahouse . I got a bad dream days ago—I was back in college, all the students in our class were sent to Shanghai to finish the first year and requested to do everything together. I look it as a nightmare because I really don’t like so-called collectivism, my teacher in high school even talked with me about that in private. So far, the only thing I regret about collectivism is I didn’t go to watch Teahouse with my classmates, you know, the cast at that time was a gathering of masters …我相信没人�?�以超越于是之的表演，�?次在电视上看到他的“茶馆�?，我都会被惊�?�；实际上在新版“茶馆�?里，我觉得我唯一�?�以期待的是何冰的表演，尽管英若诚也是大家.

① My poor English translation of“说�?�该挨嘴巴的�?，�?�真是好看�?�?—《我这一辈�?》

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因为记忆衰退�?加上决定端正自己的学习�?度，我决心�?认真地�?�笔记。我�?敢�?买新的笔记本，因为旧的一群如�?��?�冷�?�的�?�宫嫔妃，有的甚至迄今未得宠幸，想起便�?�有汗颜。

果真是轻而易举地便找到了一本旧的，�?�写了两页，细细看�?�，竟是三年�?在艰苦的考研�?月中难得的自在笔墨，想是当时背�?��?和＊＊的三个代表�?压下�?得�?生的�?��?，我刚刚看了一下（看第一�??时没看懂，�?知�?�那个人在说些什么），原�?�是一些�?�感，�?是日记，觉得有个人（你必须点击图片�?��?能看到�?�?）会很想看到，尤其是我那看起�?�还算漂亮但大部分�?�?�猜的笔迹。这两篇儿纸在别人眼里也许�?过是“锦�?�堆�?，或者确是些无用当弃之物，但我看到它时�?�有普�?斯特“�?�?�?间�?�?�开时间的门的欢喜，无知是次�?的，真实是主�?的。

我想我需�?买支笔�?�“写�?点儿什么，找到一�?��?�适的笔就�?以一个舒�?的姿势进入梦境，载体很�?�?，“形�?�?两个字需�?平�??。

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Yes, I'm still awake in damned about 4am! Before I got a friend's email, I either learned English by "remember words by listening" or listened to a course about hypnosis . I don't know how to make it into CD, so I have to sit by my computer to meditate!!

John sent his dog's photo, so I can't help putting it here. "My dog is named Happy Jack.. He is always really happy and always ready to go outside to the point of being a total idiot sometimes." "He is kind of a dope but he is ALWAYS happy no matter what happens. This is not a great picture of him as he is really more handsome. He has one bad leg that did not grow in right because he was hit by a car when he was a puppy. Even with 3 legs he can still pull like crazy". For the description of Jack, I might take part in his fan club.

Jack wouldn't know this is his �?气(good fortune?) to be a born happy idiot. I accepted years education and still educate myself now and then, perhaps the only aim is to be a happy idiot...

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As usual, I lay in bed to watch dvd and read books then wait for sleep coming. On the contrary, what I got is to feel more awake.

Like the young brother in the Peacock, these days I seemed to spend my retired life in advance. Unluckily I didn't enjoy it much in particular today, the only reason I can figure out is I'm not wise and even stupider than ten years ago. The education I gave myself (mainly about how to accept and enjoy my own life), including the books I ever read, the experiences I encountered and some lessons I drew, vanished as time went by, as I’m getting older and older… How can I fall asleep when I think of that?!

Another thing made me feel bad is from the characters in Peacock. As its screenwriter said (I guess he’s right), sister, elder brother, and younger brother respectively imply idealism, reality and pessimism. I found myself from sister and younger brother (unfortunately, I laughed at the elder brother a lot), especially I found the younger brother said the same thing as I used to say (it seldom happened): Mom and dad always say the life is too short, but I wish I would be 60 already when I wake up from a sleep.

So that means I am between idealism and pessimism, maybe…. Then I have to be more awkward and painful! Because I can’t cut myself to ask for love as sister did, nor can I spend such a “degenerate�? life like younger brother, although I understand them and if they were my friends, I would not despise them.

So? So far what in my mind is to go on being myself (in fact, I enjoy myself), searching something I can’t express now and driving away inertia constantly (that doesn’t mean I would like to be a ploughing cow)

As for today, I think I will find out all my wandering books and diaries which I put them everywhere. At least, the first step is to get something back.

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I remember clearly I was very depressed on Feb 22 (Michael Chang's birthday also), as Lee Eun Joo hung herself same day. People didn't sense how different she was until her death. Nothing would be changed for it. Still, kind people shed their tears and kept asking why such a promising actress committed suicide till the memories fade and jerks looked it as coward behavior.

Abnormal death is always connected with coincidence. Her last song was Only When I Sleep (right click and save as)in her last film Scarlet Letter.

You're only just a dreamboat Sailing in my head You swim my secret oceans Of coral blue and red Your smell is incense burning Your touch is silken yet It reaches through my skin And moving from within It clutches at my breast

But it's only when I sleep See you in my dreams You got me spinning round and round Turning upside-down But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep Got me spinning round and round Turning upside-down But its only when I sleep

And when I wake from slumber Your shadow's disappear Your breath is just a sea mist Surrounding my body I'm workin' through the daytime But when it's time to rest I'm lying in my bed Listening to my breath Falling from the edge

But it's only when I sleep See you in my dreams, (dreams) You got me spinning round and round Turning upside-down But I only hear you breathe Somewhere in my sleep, (in my sleep) Got me spinning round and round Turning upside-down But its only when I sleep It's only when I sleep

[Sharon & Andrea solo]

Up to the sky Where angels fly I'll never die Hawaiian High In bed I lie No need to cry My sleeping cry Hawaiian High

It's reaching through my skin Movin' from within And clutches at my breasts...

But it's only when I sleep... See you in my dreams, (dreams) You got me spinning round and round Turning upside-down But I only hear you breathe

In bed I lie No need to cry My sleeping cry Hawaiian High

But it's only when I sleep... aaaaaaa.... Got me spinning round and round (Turning upside-down)

Up to the sky Where angels fly I'll never die Hawaiian High But it's only when I sleep...

[Fade out]

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I began to read Confucian Analects recently (again…start again…) and found a word (慎终追远)in a different explanation. It used to be annotated as “Let there be careful attention to performing the funeral rites for parents, and let them be followed when long gone with the ceremonies of sacrifice�?. But in this edition, there is made a another note by my favorite scholar, it explains it in a different way but similar to the Latin saying POST HOC, ERGO PROTER HOC, which means AFTER IT, THEREFORE BECAUSE OF IT.

Yes, this is something about reasons and results. Smart people should pay more attention to reasons than results, that’s why I’m going to talk about the reasons to quit my job (actually, just because I don’t like it and I won’t make any real explanation, but I would like to pretend to be grown up in front of people).

1. 工欲善其事，必先利其器---This is an old, well-known phrase in China，which means a workman must first sharpen his tools if he is to do his work well. So, please check out the computers, printers, fax machine and copy machine in my office, none of them work well. My boss even thinks he writes faster than typing. I don’t think the start of making money is to save money. If Chinese people have only rice for dinner, China will be poor to death eventually. I have to go to another branch to check the digital pictures with a better computer and so I’m described as an “orphan�?, because I have to search for a computer whose owner isn’t in the office. By the way, my boss knows about my complaint, but he thinks Chinese long march wouldn't have been successful if the soldiers were like me.

2. My boss’s philosophy--- “You’re a capable guy if you can make a good deal without costing money�?(he is a dreamer); �?All of you should be experts even if you just got here this morning �?(dreaming again); �?Don’t be too international" (when our clients are from abroad) “Cheat their money first" (yes, but then…?) … At first, I really couldn’t get what he’s talking about and I thought that must because I had no experience. Now I find no one understands him, so our reaction is only “Yes, sir�?. He always shouts at people “There’s water in your brain?!�?, but he hasn’t known he’s had a swimming pool in his brain for a long time.

3. Emotional reason: Sometimes the start of liking someone is his lovely expression. On the contrary, sometime you hate someone just because of his ugly expression. The start of making up my mind to quit my job is the boss’s expression, just like he hated me so much, just like he denied all the hard work I’ve done, it’s unendurable. Once I shouted at him, �?Do you think you’re looking like a boss now?!�? .I lost my temper but so far I haven't regretted it. I just respect those who deserve it, I don’t care if he’s a boss or old or something, that’s why my mum thinks I’m not mature, she thought I shouldn’t make the boss lose his face.

4. I have no political brain:For example, I got a call from a Taiwanese client days ago--"Hi,I'm in Beijing now"---"Really?WELCOME TO OUR COUNTRY!"...Luckily,there's nobody else in my office at that time,this is socalled "principle mistake".

As for the office politics, it’s not a big deal. Sometimes I joined it for fun, but most of the time I’m trying to escape from it, it’s not easy though.

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I got a short message about a job from my sister 2 mins ago. It’s an editing job with good pay I think. Anyway, thanks for her concern. But my reply is “why don’t you encourage me to sell my works (she knows that’s what I really wanna do ), even if it does take me 3 months without salary, so what? �?

Maybe she knows me well or not. Yes, as an moody freelancer, it’s not easy to be really independent, that’s why my friends are worried about me sometimes. I’m not sure if I’m stubborn or stupid or juvenile, but my first “formal +regular+ decent�? job made me sure that I don’t want to waste time on doing something I don’t like ( even hate it occasionally, apart from when I looks at paintings in the gallery or talked about artworks with the artist or client, seems I can find who I am at that time).

My good friends often ask me if I realize I live in the real world and it’s not easy to sell paintings in China (Who told them?!) instead of “Try!�?(Only one friend, yes, I appreciate her much for that…). I understand some views, but not all.

Now I'm tired after a day's work, and I don’t know exactly what I said above, might be rubbish again. There’s a famous idiom in China: “Lookers-on see more than players当局者迷,�?观者清�?. I think it really is impossible for people to see themselves. You need someone else’s eyes now and then, so, I welcome comments and thank you in advance!

P.S.The painting is another Chinese traditional painting I made on silk, 工笔�?彩,he looks like an unhappy old guy,this is real life?

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“Books are the steps on which we advance�? was often quoted by my teacher. I’ve never thought about advancing or keeping up with the times, and I don’t want to read just to learn. I just read for fun, and I’m happy that even with this principle, I don’t choose rubbish – perhaps I should be proud of my natural taste . . .

I’ve been reading Murakami Haruki lately, perhaps the only living writer I like. Some people have accused me of being petty bourgeoisie because of this. I very rarely read anything popular at the time (this have changed now, so perhaps I’m becoming corrupt?), mainly because I don’t like it but also because I’m a bit slow. I almost missed out on Murakami Haruki. I got a pirate copy of his ‘Norwegian Wood’ from a classmate when we were bored in the studio at school. As soon as I started reading it I could smell the forests (I always seem to pay a lot of attention to smell and temperature, and sometimes I comment on art just for this reason), and ever since then his books have been by my pillow, for 5 or 6 years.

There seems to only ever be one character in his books, solitary, pale, desultory, wise (or at least I think so), always an unconcerned observer, even of themselves. I don’t know if a person can reach this level of calmness, but I hope people can find calmness in the music or beer they like, like the people who flow from his pen.

One day I thought about the books I keep by my bed, and it was only then I realized that all the writers I like have something in common. For example, Wang Xiaobo (who showed me what black humour was ), Cao Xueqin, they always have a kind of eternal solitude and YYY. I don’t know if I’m gathering these two things, but I believe my own intuition and I feel more and more that this is important, if you can catch it.

You can only write good books with a quiet heart, and a world that makes your heart quiet will only have yourself in it. Perhaps all the writers I like are like this, so when I read I am never lonely. The author is always beside me.

P.S .The paintings in the photos (all mine, unless stated otherwise) have been called as Japanese Painting, but actually they made by very traditional Chinese materials. They are here because 'Norwegian Wood's' Japanese edition had red and green colours on the cover. Red and green represent the two female protagonists, death and life.

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My best friend will leave for London for her Master’s degree. I was in tears at the moment when I sensed the time has come to say goodbye. So was she, I think. “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get...�?As an adult knows, you get a delicious chocolate if you meet a friend who would love to shares with your happiness, your fear, your gift, your complaint, even your vulgarity…

People always say the friendship that you make at school often last for life. Sometimes I wonder if every relationship is based on fate, even if you ever made a lot of effort on it but didn’t get anything. So I’m not sure that a friendship is something that you can just ‘work at’.It’s my luck to get a few good friends(who can share your happiness, which isn’t easy, and who can cry in front of you) as I’m not that easy to get on with.

They say friendship is fate, but if you think about it it’s more what you have in common, like what kind of book you like. First, I don’t like too mainstream people, without any edginess to them. I don’t think that’s real, at the very least they’re hiding something. I don’t like people without anything in their heads, that’s boring. If I see friends like that often, we always drift apart. Some people don’t’ seem to be either of the above, but you feel even their heart is wearing make-up – they might be charming, but are they any use? There’s no sense of safety, maybe even nothing at all.

Sometimes I feel like an old woman, chattering on here. Maybe it's my age. As I get older I realize how important friendship is becoming. When the things you once fought for disappear you realize that friendship is actually a bit more real. I've lost good friends in the past by being too busy with foolish things, and I regret that(a little). But even more, it reminds me not to make myself regret again.

I hope the weather in London is good.

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I was really annoyed to get the text message from my colleague tonight. She kept asking me when I left office, what I did in the net center exactly and some other stupid questions…I pretended to be patient and replied her one by one, but didn’t tell her anything actually.

This young lady made a good impression on me in my first day to work. She’s warm-hearted to show me round the office with her sweet smile and beautiful voice. I’m appreciate what she did even if when I sensed that something was wrong with her after she said the man this, the woman that…

I think perhaps there’s such a person in each office. She/he likes to criticize the thing has nothing to do her/him and “interfere the internal affairs�?. I have to get used to it. By the way, the event I’m participating in is made up two groups, one belongs to Forum one (her part) and another belongs to Exhibition (my part). So in a sense, we’re competitor.

And my competitor bought me a drink often, sometimes I took it and sometimes not. Should I look it as sugar-coating bomb 糖衣炮弹(famous phrase in selected works of Maozedong--他们是�?曾被拿枪的敌人�?�?过的，他们在这些敌人�?��?�?愧英雄的称�?�；但是�?�?起人们用糖衣裹�?�的炮弹的攻击，他们在糖弹�?��?�?打败仗。我们必须预防这�?情况)?.If it is, what I’m supposed to do? The best choice is to put the sugar in the coffee and then throw back the bomb to the enemy?

Anyway, I’m trying to escape away from the office politics, it’s not fun in most of time. And the lady I mentioned above is still a good comrade, thanks for her help and drinks.

(多优秀的作�?啊～～～，�?��??一个“明�?字)

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It’s not easy to talk about myself. I didn’t use to enjoy things like “introduce yourself�? at the beginning of the school-life and college life. Although maybe it’s a good start sometimes…

So, my name is Song Li and I live in Beijing where I was born and grew up. I’m an age that would better be kept a secret (I gave the same answer to a new colleague. —“How old are you, they said you’re younger than me�?, I thought I would answer —“I don’t think so�?, but I didn’t. —“Your secret?�?—“No, my rule.�? I knew I was a little stupid at that time…)

Yes, I believe you’ve realised it’s not simple to take my point. I often write much more in the brackets. Ok, go on… I graduated from the Academy of Arts and Design, Tsinghua university in 2001 and my major was fine arts. I don’t love art like some artists who cannot live without it. I think it’s just something for pleasure such as reading, watching a dvd and breathing some fresh air after a good sleep or tiring work. I don’t even like it as much as other hobbies occasionally, because it’s not enjoyable when I have to earn money by it (Only complaining, I hope).

I chose the Chinese traditional pattern of trees and birds as the background (If my mum were here now, she would say: oh, not trees again…).I’m always attracted by the figure of trees. As for the birds, I’m still moved by the waving wings since saw the scene in the French documentary “Winged Migration�?. By the way, I’m not a famous artist, so I won’t say “Only if I were a bird.�?

Anyway, this is a personal website about what I paint, what I think and what I XXX. It’s just from an ordinary Chinese person.

Thanks to my friend for giving me this website as a present, I would like to put some good stuff on it to you as a present.

Hope so.

Soong Li

2004/7/12

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Actually, I don’t want to make any posts now, I want to eat water-melon…

If you have read the post I made days ago, you must remember what I talked about exchange of culture. But I wouldn’t like to look it as business only, I think I should do something which is really called it. Maybe this is why I have to wrote an English composition every night(painful though) after a tired day.

I will try, even though I would rather paint something I like than talk something I like…

P.S. I took that picture by accident when I forgot I didn't turn off the cam yet.Have you ever heard of a famous Japanese film called ROSHOMON?It's good, but not as good as the original novel, which was written by my favorite author Kon jyaku monogatari芥�?龙之介,as long as you compare the end of theirs.The author is a talented guy, killed himself when he was 35 though ,like another my favorite singer Danny Chan陈百强,in the same age.

Sorry,I'm alway pointless,the Roshomon was based on the novel which is called "in the bamboos竹林中",kind of mystery you can't describe it clearly,this is what I felt at first glance of that pic.

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头还是疼...今天�?�了很多人，就是这样�?�，去或留，�?�以“�?��?始，以“散�?终，一番热闹。

别人对你的好，怎么都会记�?的。在这场�?别里，�?到了�?时候�?我指甲油的漂亮的阿姨，还有�?次看我都给我带石头的一个舅舅，因为我想�?方的石头，他把手磨出茧�?�?��?给我，你会感激这些真心的喜爱，�?过时间。而曾�?让你爱�?释手的，也许此刻你压根儿�?记得曾�?拥有过。

�?�?�我会把画放上去。现在好�?有了两本日记，这里，还有房间里，觉�?�得少了，画也少了，真是汗颜，真的，希望知耻近乎勇。

总算�?�以写中文了，你们进�?��?�...�?�??�?�?费获得＃％＆￥

P.S.(1)网页的最终设计还没有定稿，有任何�?�?，欢迎�?�函或�?�电洽谈。 (2)一个�?�了很多年外交的�?局长认为我诚实好学，所以时�?时会教我外交礼仪(�?教别人，因为他们没救了)，他说办公室的说�?的音�?�?能高于让第三者�?�到，我想了一下，认为有两�?选择：一是�?�得�?�?说别人�??�?似的；二是猫咪“正常时�?的音�?，我决定选择�?�者。所以�?�?我时，我的声音也是两�?选择：�?么温柔如水，�?么物�?必返...

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